The Pain of Creating.

Art hurts. I wish there was a better way I could put it, but quite honestly, it hurts. 

It tears your heart out and makes you listen to every terrible voice inside your head that says, not good enough. It forces you to judge, cut, alter and shape into the perfect fit when you don't even know what the mold looks like. 

It hurts because it makes you feel. There is no art without emotion, and these emotions are more often than not so strong that you can't control them. All you can do, is let them flow like a torrent from a dam; and hope that they don't leave you drowned. You can hope that they let you stay afloat, but that hope is nowhere near foolproof.

Art hurts because it doesn't let you rest. It's 3 am thoughts that jerk you awake and the reason you can't write that school essay. It's the fire that burns within; scorching everything else. Need to write, in my case. It doesn't let you breath because it claws its way to the top of your priorities and stays right there, unmoving till you give it your attention, like a stubborn cat that wants its belly rubbed.

It hurts because it makes you think. Of course it hurts when you create you open up a trapdoor into the darkest parts of your brain. And then you let it run amok, and hope that it won't massacre every sane thought you happen to have. It's essentially handing your demons a scythe and praying they'll use it well. Its trusting your own consciousness not to play games with you. (Spoiler alert: It can't be trusted.)

It hurts because when an artist paints they paint with sweat not color, and when a dancer flies every step is on broken glass, and when a writer writes they write with blood not ink, and when an actor cries they're letting the emotion flow out as tears if nothing else. It's pain, it's agony and every time you try you  have to wrench out every last drop of feeling out till you cant feel anymore.

It hurts because you want it perfect. It hurts because I want it perfect. 

It hurts because emotion hurts. It hurts because being human hurts.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post originally began as an analogy post. My sleep-addled brain had - one night - noticed a link between tears and art. I know, sounds quite mad. But, aren't they both different ways of dealing with the same situation? That situation is the surplus of emotion. See, according to some studies (and my psychology nerd best friend) your body sees tears as a release for pent up emotion. Doesn't matter which, just emotion. And that's what my art is to me too. 

This one has been in the works for a bit. I just couldn't figure out how to word it to convey my message well enough. When I finally did, it was such an absolute relief. This is also, without a doubt, one of the most vulnerable things I can give you, on behalf of every dedicated artist I know. 

Because emotion might hurt, and being human might hurt, but its also the most precious thing I've come across in a long time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------